downloading opinion (and a new thoughtful child)

From the title of a blog post about a court opinion:

A new thoughtful child porn downloading opinion assailing images guideline enhancement

This downloading opinion is pornographic and involves a new thoughtful child? And it assails images?

jury proceedings

Lawyers always talk about "grand jury proceedings."

This involves a normal jury but they have to wear purple robes and enter the courtroom with trumpets blaring. How grand!

identity arrest

Lots of problems here: What's an identity arrest? Another school teacher smoking weed?

A friend who's a high school teacher has asked for pro bono advice on behalf of a student who recently had a bad experience with the LAPD (mistaken identity arrest). Does anyone know a Spanish-speaking public interest group or lawyer the student and his family can talk to about their options? It's unlikely clear that the family wants to do anything, but they need someone to talk to.

domain attorney

"Does anyone have a referral for a good eminent domain attorney? A friend who is involved with a local non-profit organization has asked for a referral. Thanks."

Must be an important matter to require a domain attorney that's so respected.

Wow

An Allison find:

Someone forgot to hyphenate. This is a heading from a publication by the California State Board of Equalization (the property-tax folks):

"Determination Of Fair Market Value of Cable Television Taxable Possessory Interests Upon Change In Ownership Reassment"

custody dispute

Email that was sent around:

"If you know of reasonably-priced family lawyer who can assist with a child custody dispute, would you please let me know? "

Also. Appreciate the misguided attempt to place a hyphen between "reasonably" and "priced." Unfortunately, the hyphen here is incorrect where the phrasal adjective contains an adverb that ends in "-ly" followed by a past participle. See, e.g., www.plainlanguagenetwork.org/kimble/modest.htm.

estate assets

From a settlement motion:

". . . make unilateral decisions regarding the estate's non-real estate assets."

So we're dealing with estate assets that are imaginary?

worth clients

Just reading the local bar magazine and came across an ad with a photo of a partner posing in a sort of high-school-portrait pose. This is the first sentence below it:

"My entrepreneurial and high net worth clients look to me for creative tax and estate planning advice."

Are the clients high? What's a worth client? How do you make creative taxes? How about I punch you in the face?

Perhaps the best part is that the very next sentence is this: "They also appreciate the full-service capabilities the firm has to offer...." Whoa, easy on the hyphen!